How does one choose between their teachings and their desires?
That is the question that plagues me every day of my existence just about.
Yes, I love kids. Yes, I love helping people.
But.
No, I do not love being a therapist.
No, I do not love being cooped up in a room all day.
I need air.
I need creativity.
I need movement.
Yes, if I follow through with this route, there is potential in me doing well...in doing what I set out to do.
But haven't I already accomplished what I set out to do anyways?
I came here to figure out how something like thatcould have happened to me.
And I have figured it out.
But things happened during that process that I had never thought possible.
I found myself.
I realized what creativity I had within me.
I recognized the pull that I had towards beautiful things of old.
Towards making people happy by pleasing their stomachs and taste buds.
I became more me than I ever thought possible.
So....which one wins out? Rational thinking or the obsure and unknown?
Please tell me the latter.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Things We Learn From Our Pets: A Spiritual Post
I just got back from taking my dog on a walk around our neighborhood. I usually don't, but tonight I took my ipod along. About 10 minutes into our walk, I notice Bailey is looking behind her and acting a little scared.....before I even know what is going on, I turn around and there is a wrinkly bulldog running up to her. It's just a short fat thing, but because I had my music on, I had no idea whether the dog was growling at my dog or what. Bailey is a scaredy dog for sure. She just cowered and practically played dead. The owner of the dog was coming after it....and in the meantime, Bailey somehow pulled so hard to get away from the dog that she squeezed her neck right out of her collar! In a minutes time, everything was fine and well again. This was part one of the lesson of tonight's walk.
Part II:
As we continued walking, there was a point where every house we passed, I could hear a dog barking at us through it's fence - over the music I was listening to. At one of the houses, I could even see the head of one of the dogs through the fence, and this dog was a big one.
As we walked by these houses, I realized that this is what I feel like my life is right now. One walk around a seemingly safe area......and I have this regular occurring noise that is the routines in life. And although that noise is constant.....there's outside noise that doesn't necessarily interrupt my noise....but it definitely changes it. And those barking dogs in those fences pose as the various disruptions in life....the trials....the things that break you. Sometimes all you can hear is a vague noise of those occurrences......sometimes you can get a really good nasty look at one of the occurrences faces.....and sometimes that bloody brokenness just chases you down.
Every week it seems to be like something new...something different....but always troublesome. My faith has been so radically jarred here lately.....well I can't even say that honestly. It was at a nice little level of me not putting any effort into really caring about my spiritual side....and then it just became really noisy with life events. I wish I didn't have this to admit, but in the last month, there has been at least one moment when I said out loud, "I don't even know if God exists." And then.....I read this tonight....
"O tested soul, perhaps the Lord is sending you through this trial to develop your gifts. You have some gifts that would never have been discovered if not for trials. Do you not know that your faith never appears as great in the warm summer weather as it does during a cold winter? Your love is all too often life a firefly, showing very little light except when surrounded by darkness. And hope is like the stars - unseen in the sunshine of prosperity and only discovered during a night of adversity. Afflictions are often the dark settings God uses to mount the jewels of His children's gifts, causing them to shine even brighter."
"Wasn't it just a short time ago that on your knees you prayed, 'Lord, I seem to have no faith. Please show me that I do'? Wasn't your prayer, even though you may not have realized it at the time, actually asking for trials? For how can you know if you have faith, until your faith is exercised? You can depend upon the fact that God often sends trials so our gifts may be discovered and so we may be certain of their existence. And there is more than just discovered our gifts - we experience real growth in grace as another result of our trials being sanctified by Him."
"God trains His soldiers not in tents of ease and luxury buy by causing them to endure lengthy marches and difficult service. He makes them wade across streams, swim through rivers, climb mountains, and walk many tiring miles with heavy backpacks."
"Dear Christian, could this not account for the troubles you are now experiencing? Could this not be the reason He is dealing with you?"
"Being left alone by Satan is not evidence of being blessed."
Part II:
As we continued walking, there was a point where every house we passed, I could hear a dog barking at us through it's fence - over the music I was listening to. At one of the houses, I could even see the head of one of the dogs through the fence, and this dog was a big one.
As we walked by these houses, I realized that this is what I feel like my life is right now. One walk around a seemingly safe area......and I have this regular occurring noise that is the routines in life. And although that noise is constant.....there's outside noise that doesn't necessarily interrupt my noise....but it definitely changes it. And those barking dogs in those fences pose as the various disruptions in life....the trials....the things that break you. Sometimes all you can hear is a vague noise of those occurrences......sometimes you can get a really good nasty look at one of the occurrences faces.....and sometimes that bloody brokenness just chases you down.
Every week it seems to be like something new...something different....but always troublesome. My faith has been so radically jarred here lately.....well I can't even say that honestly. It was at a nice little level of me not putting any effort into really caring about my spiritual side....and then it just became really noisy with life events. I wish I didn't have this to admit, but in the last month, there has been at least one moment when I said out loud, "I don't even know if God exists." And then.....I read this tonight....
"O tested soul, perhaps the Lord is sending you through this trial to develop your gifts. You have some gifts that would never have been discovered if not for trials. Do you not know that your faith never appears as great in the warm summer weather as it does during a cold winter? Your love is all too often life a firefly, showing very little light except when surrounded by darkness. And hope is like the stars - unseen in the sunshine of prosperity and only discovered during a night of adversity. Afflictions are often the dark settings God uses to mount the jewels of His children's gifts, causing them to shine even brighter."
"Wasn't it just a short time ago that on your knees you prayed, 'Lord, I seem to have no faith. Please show me that I do'? Wasn't your prayer, even though you may not have realized it at the time, actually asking for trials? For how can you know if you have faith, until your faith is exercised? You can depend upon the fact that God often sends trials so our gifts may be discovered and so we may be certain of their existence. And there is more than just discovered our gifts - we experience real growth in grace as another result of our trials being sanctified by Him."
"God trains His soldiers not in tents of ease and luxury buy by causing them to endure lengthy marches and difficult service. He makes them wade across streams, swim through rivers, climb mountains, and walk many tiring miles with heavy backpacks."
"Dear Christian, could this not account for the troubles you are now experiencing? Could this not be the reason He is dealing with you?"
"Being left alone by Satan is not evidence of being blessed."
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Realities
Rest assured, this is not some emotional diatribe on my heart being a wreck. I would defintely not go so far as to calling it a wreck. A fender-bender for sure though.
A while back I gushed on here about a specific guy coming back into my life. This is where I gush about his exit out. Except, I'm not going to gush.
What I'm going to say, is the reality is, by his grand exit, I can go back to becoming my grand self. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that's probably what I truly need in all actuality. Yes, relationships are grand in their own regard, but let's be honest......relationships are a pain in the ass. No negative Nancy here....I'm just saying that when you are involved in a relationship, the focus (hopefully) naturally is taken off of you solely. As it should be. But when you have 365 days of excellence layed out before you.....why do you really want to get mixed up in something that doesn't allow you to fully focus on those goals? I'm not even going to get into the mangled mess of me saying that I just need to find a person that I can have those 365 days of excellence to achieve my 28 goals because that is not my point here. My point IS that relationships can be a pain in the ass.
Now for the big moments of the day.......
I did the 10K today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to lie.....I didn't know all that great. In fact, I walked probably 5.9 miles and ran for .3. But I just kept telling myself that while I was out there even walking those 6 miles, over a hundred thousand people in my town were NOT doing it!
Thanks to my GREAT friend Jacqueline for doing it with me......she could have passed me up and left me all by my lonesome, but she was a great supporter and kept me going through it all!
Here are a few pictures:
Before I even left the house this morning!
Us before the run!
My first ever paper number thing! hahaha......what the heck should it actually be called?
Sexy Jac!
And the after effect!
A while back I gushed on here about a specific guy coming back into my life. This is where I gush about his exit out. Except, I'm not going to gush.
What I'm going to say, is the reality is, by his grand exit, I can go back to becoming my grand self. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that's probably what I truly need in all actuality. Yes, relationships are grand in their own regard, but let's be honest......relationships are a pain in the ass. No negative Nancy here....I'm just saying that when you are involved in a relationship, the focus (hopefully) naturally is taken off of you solely. As it should be. But when you have 365 days of excellence layed out before you.....why do you really want to get mixed up in something that doesn't allow you to fully focus on those goals? I'm not even going to get into the mangled mess of me saying that I just need to find a person that I can have those 365 days of excellence to achieve my 28 goals because that is not my point here. My point IS that relationships can be a pain in the ass.
Now for the big moments of the day.......
I did the 10K today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to lie.....I didn't know all that great. In fact, I walked probably 5.9 miles and ran for .3. But I just kept telling myself that while I was out there even walking those 6 miles, over a hundred thousand people in my town were NOT doing it!
Thanks to my GREAT friend Jacqueline for doing it with me......she could have passed me up and left me all by my lonesome, but she was a great supporter and kept me going through it all!
Here are a few pictures:
Before I even left the house this morning!
Us before the run!
My first ever paper number thing! hahaha......what the heck should it actually be called?
Sexy Jac!
And the after effect!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
And on to a new week!
This morning I got to sleep in for the first time in a while! Yay!! I woke up at about 6:30 to my cat messing around on my dresser, meowing and knocking things over. After grunting at her and probably using a few choice words, I fell back asleep!
When I did finally come to, I gradually got myself up and running. Literally. I did my 100 calories (actually more around 105 today) on the eliptical and then jumped onto the treadmill. Can I just pause here and say that one thing that I do not like about going to the gym on Sundays when there is no staff working is that we always run out of the wet wipes to sanitize the equipment. Anyways, I digress.
I set the treadmill for an hour, having told myself that I was going to do the 6.2 miles today that are what a 10K consists of. I'll go ahead and break the news to you now though that I did not get all 6.2 miles done. I did do 4.21 miles though. I ran for 4 sets of 4x1's, and then started walking. About 40 total minutes in, I was bored from the walking though, so I did 10 sets of 1x1 runs/walks. All in all that adds up to me running 26 minutes (definitely over 2 miles) of the 60 minutes I was on the treadmill! Woot woot! (Total today, I burned around 625 calories - after yesterday, I definitely needed to!)
I went a while ago to Academy and looked at quad rolling skates to further enhance my dream of being a roller derby girl. They had very few of them available though, so forget that for now. I also looked for some new gym clothes, but after seeing the lines, I put my stuff down and walked out. It is my goal though to buy a roller derby t-shirt before the bout between Abilene and Midland next month. It may be the last thing I do, but I will be doing it, guaranteed!
That's about all I've got for now.......may be buying some bubbles for our car ride to Austin so that I can get another goal off of my list!
When I did finally come to, I gradually got myself up and running. Literally. I did my 100 calories (actually more around 105 today) on the eliptical and then jumped onto the treadmill. Can I just pause here and say that one thing that I do not like about going to the gym on Sundays when there is no staff working is that we always run out of the wet wipes to sanitize the equipment. Anyways, I digress.
I set the treadmill for an hour, having told myself that I was going to do the 6.2 miles today that are what a 10K consists of. I'll go ahead and break the news to you now though that I did not get all 6.2 miles done. I did do 4.21 miles though. I ran for 4 sets of 4x1's, and then started walking. About 40 total minutes in, I was bored from the walking though, so I did 10 sets of 1x1 runs/walks. All in all that adds up to me running 26 minutes (definitely over 2 miles) of the 60 minutes I was on the treadmill! Woot woot! (Total today, I burned around 625 calories - after yesterday, I definitely needed to!)
I went a while ago to Academy and looked at quad rolling skates to further enhance my dream of being a roller derby girl. They had very few of them available though, so forget that for now. I also looked for some new gym clothes, but after seeing the lines, I put my stuff down and walked out. It is my goal though to buy a roller derby t-shirt before the bout between Abilene and Midland next month. It may be the last thing I do, but I will be doing it, guaranteed!
That's about all I've got for now.......may be buying some bubbles for our car ride to Austin so that I can get another goal off of my list!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
One down, 26 to go!
Today I conquered one of my 27 things. I went to two different wineries in different locations. My good friend Jacqueline and I did a Mardi Gras wine tour in our area - went to a winery in Comanche, Texas, and another in Rising Star. The setting of the Comanche one was absolutely beautiful, and if I ever get married again, that is where I would like for it to be held, haha.
Here are a few pictures from the day....
Here are a few pictures from the day....
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
YAY YAY YAY
Disclaimer: I am sure that the reason that what I am about to tell you is due to the fact that I had just worked off 400 calories. Nonetheless, it was a great moment.
I went to the gym this morning and did 8 sets of 2x1's. My body was not feeling all that limber, but I got it done. Luckily I was smart today and started taking a water bottle with me instead of waiting until I was done with my run to drink. Points for Kelsey. And yes, I did burn right at 400 calories with 36 minutes on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the eliptical. I would have stayed longer....but....well.....I had to go to the bathroom. That's all I will say there because it is making me squirm that I even mentioned it.
Anyways, as I was driving home (also, I need to start just walking my happy little toosh to the gym....I'm being ridiculous and not being earth friendly) I thought to myself "I can't wait until I'm in the 1_0's." (I'm not yet at a place of comfort of being able to expose my current weight.....so don't take it offensively that I will not disclose that to you people!)
Well after I had thought that, I went home, and weighed. And the number in the 10's place was the number I had just been thinking about!! haha, no I did not mysteriously lose 30 pounds or anything like that. The number I was thinking about was just 1 digit down from what it had been previously. But still, it sure as heck felt good! So tomorrow at weigh in I am sure it will not show that.....but I saw it today and that is all that matters!!
The other piece of big news that I forgot to mention yesterday is that on Sunday my brother texted me and asked if I wanted to do another 10K with him in May. We decided that we would look for one that had something to do with benefitiing heart health, and do it in honor of my grandpa. Yesterday he let me know that two of my cousins want to do it with us. Two 10K's in the first 6 months of a year? Is this really the Kelsey I know?!?! Hell no, it's a better version!!
I went to the gym this morning and did 8 sets of 2x1's. My body was not feeling all that limber, but I got it done. Luckily I was smart today and started taking a water bottle with me instead of waiting until I was done with my run to drink. Points for Kelsey. And yes, I did burn right at 400 calories with 36 minutes on the treadmill and 10 minutes on the eliptical. I would have stayed longer....but....well.....I had to go to the bathroom. That's all I will say there because it is making me squirm that I even mentioned it.
Anyways, as I was driving home (also, I need to start just walking my happy little toosh to the gym....I'm being ridiculous and not being earth friendly) I thought to myself "I can't wait until I'm in the 1_0's." (I'm not yet at a place of comfort of being able to expose my current weight.....so don't take it offensively that I will not disclose that to you people!)
Well after I had thought that, I went home, and weighed. And the number in the 10's place was the number I had just been thinking about!! haha, no I did not mysteriously lose 30 pounds or anything like that. The number I was thinking about was just 1 digit down from what it had been previously. But still, it sure as heck felt good! So tomorrow at weigh in I am sure it will not show that.....but I saw it today and that is all that matters!!
The other piece of big news that I forgot to mention yesterday is that on Sunday my brother texted me and asked if I wanted to do another 10K with him in May. We decided that we would look for one that had something to do with benefitiing heart health, and do it in honor of my grandpa. Yesterday he let me know that two of my cousins want to do it with us. Two 10K's in the first 6 months of a year? Is this really the Kelsey I know?!?! Hell no, it's a better version!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Another week to bust my butt
Here we are at another week of running my little booty off. This weekend was phenomenal.....which is odd, considering that it was my grandpa's memorial service. Friday when I got home, I joined my family for lots of eating from all of the food that had been brought over. Late that night, my brother and 2 cousins went for a long walk to burn a few calories. Saturday was the service......and someone that may or may not be very special came to be there for me. I will go ahead and say that I have never had anyone attend something just to be a support for me. Although my tears have pretty much been dried in the last week, it was nice to have someone's hand on my back throughout the service, letting me know that they were there.
And the family liked this person. Shocker of all shockers. And he told me twice later that they were great too, and the next day I saw him again (okay, so I have now inadvertently admitted it was a male) and he was telling all of his friends about them too.
Anyways, I refuse to gush over this individual, so let's move on.
Went to the gym for about an hour today. Did 5 sets of 3 minute runs followed by 1 minute walks. Was not as pretty as I would have liked for it to be, but I still accomplished it. I have no pictures of calories burned, nor do I have the exact number, because as I was starting running set #3, I pressed the wrong button and competely halted the machine. I believe it to have been around 400 calories though.
This weekend we are going to two wineries for their Mardi Gras celebration - woot woot! At least I can get a portion of one of my 27 things off of the list.
Not a very interesting post, please forgive me.
And the family liked this person. Shocker of all shockers. And he told me twice later that they were great too, and the next day I saw him again (okay, so I have now inadvertently admitted it was a male) and he was telling all of his friends about them too.
Anyways, I refuse to gush over this individual, so let's move on.
Went to the gym for about an hour today. Did 5 sets of 3 minute runs followed by 1 minute walks. Was not as pretty as I would have liked for it to be, but I still accomplished it. I have no pictures of calories burned, nor do I have the exact number, because as I was starting running set #3, I pressed the wrong button and competely halted the machine. I believe it to have been around 400 calories though.
This weekend we are going to two wineries for their Mardi Gras celebration - woot woot! At least I can get a portion of one of my 27 things off of the list.
Not a very interesting post, please forgive me.
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