In a few days time...

In a few days time, my grandpa, dad, brother, and uncle journeyed to Germany so my grandpa could have a stem cell procedure done on his heart.

In a few days time, I have turned from 26 to 27.


In a few days time, I was contacted by my ex-husband after not having spoken for the last year and a half, other than my questioning him on when I was going to have my divorce finalized.

In a few days time, my grandpa had the operation done, and almost instantaneously began seeing improvements.

In a few days time, I realized that I was happier at this point in life than I had been in my whole adult life.

In a few days time, he got released from the hospital and had a heart attack as they were trying to leave the facility.

In a few days time, his heart completely stopped for 15 minutes.

In a few days time, my trip to see my mom for lunch and shopping turned to hysterics.

In a few days time, I made a stop at a gas station for the sole purpose of being hugged and really hugged by the person that is somehow my rock despite any protesting from either party.

In a few days time, I was greeted outside of my grandparents house by my uncle, who told me he didn't make it.

In a few days time, upon hearing the news, my first thought was "run". Physically, run. I took off down the street, but my legs would not move with the speed they had earlier that morning.

In a few days time, I entered a world of mourning full of mourning people, just as I am also.

In a few days time, I was reminded of the best part about my small west Texas hometown: the people.

In a few days time....I will once again get to hug the necks of the men that tried to bring him back whole and better than ever. There is this mental vision of them now, as astronauts coming back from a "failed" mission, walking towards us - heads down, hearts defeated.

My therapist brain is working in overdrive trying to correct the cognitions that are taking place in these men.....in my grandma. My hands keep me busy: readying the kitchen, jotting down what people brought what food, vacuuming my grandma's house late at night. My heart see-saws back and forth between being full due to the plethora of expressions of sympathy that are coming our way and the emptiness that comes from prayers not being answered in the way I thought they would or should be.


Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran